The NBA’s Imaginary Flopping Epidemic

We’ve heard the whispers throughout the playoffs. One team’s role player plants a nugget in the ear of reporters that their opponents are floppers. Forget calling people “punks” or “fake tough guys” or lightly veiled gender-questioning jabs. The most popular thing to rip your enemies for these days is embellishing contact in an attempt to draw a foul. Really?

These accusations have, in no small part, led to a Twitter uprising, where entities like TrueHoop are attempting to convince the NBA to, among other things, #stoptheflop. There are a number of flaws in this argument:

Flopping is no worse now than it has been for at least 15 years. I’ve watched at least one game virtually every single night of these playoffs. I don’t see it. Ask anyone who knows basketball who the biggest flopper of all time was. The vast majority of them will answer Reggie Miller, and the remaining votes will go to Vlade Divac, Derek Fisher (circa early 2000s), Danny Ainge or Bill Laimbeer. Lebron James, Dwyane Wade and Chris Paul will not be mentioned. 

Waxing nostalgic about the days when fouls were harder, blood was regular and men were men is commonplace, but when the subject of flopping arises we all forget that the general manager of the Celtics was doing it 25 years ago, while working for one of the strongest opponents of the flop, Red Auerbach. Let it be known that the hardest thing to cope with while writing this piece was realizing that I might come off as condoning something that Auerbach (maybe the greatest basketball mind in history) so adamantly opposed.

Secondly, referees are smarter than you. While it’s true that sometimes we can sit on our couch and see things in 1/32 speed more clearly than the officials did at 20 mph, they are still pretty damn good at their jobs. The refs understand flopping exponentially better than any of us at home, and, for the most part, they don’t reward it. 

Occasionally a player is rewarded for a flop with a foul on the opposing player and possession of the ball. Is that any worse than if, for example, Joakim Noah pushes someone out of rebounding position but isn’t called for a foul and ends up with an offensive putback? That’s worth two points, but I don’t hear anyone griping about fines or suspensions in those instances. Everyone understands that there is a human element to the regulation of the game, but it only applies as a legitimate argument when we want it to? It’s hypocritical to say the least.

On a related note, the idea that flopping is “cheating” is completely absurd. Flopping is simply trying to get a favorable whistle; just like every time Kobe stares down a ref, every time James Harden barrels his way into a defenders chest and every time Wade lets out an animalistic grunt as he goes up in the lane. It’s gamesmanship, just like practically every other action made on the court.

These points lead me to believe that it’s mostly aesthetic. We complain (yes, me included) because it doesn’t appeal to the eye. Often it looks downright ridiculous. And it’s infuriating when your favorite player gets called for a bogus foul as a result of a flop. But it’s no different than any other call on the floor. Most of them are correct. Hell, nearly all of them are correct. The rare instances when the refs screw up don’t mean that we need to reform the entire officiating system.

There is one argument that I can buy. Then I gotta go. As Kobe so eloquently put it, “…where are your balls at?” There is a certain lack of testicular fortitude associated with frequent floppers, but sometimes it is the right play. Which begs the question, “Are you more concerned with acting like a ‘man’ or doing everything possible to help your team win?” Kobe is one of the rare players who, rightfully, thinks that he can do both. Not everyone is that talented. Sometimes people like (Kobe’s close friend) Derek Fisher are forced to make up for their lack of defensive prowess by doing a little embellishing. And in those instances when it paid off, I never heard Bean complaining. So while it might make players look like a “fish out of water,” the smartest fish don’t get caught.

A Quick Q&A with Myself

Due to my long absence from this blog and the new direction I plan to take it, I thought it would be a good idea to provide a little overview of what the site will cover and why you should bother to read it. Since there is only one person who knows any of that information (me), I decided to conduct an interview with myself. Did I actually sit down and talk to myself? You decide. Here’s a hint: I might have.

Q: So Zachary, you haven’t provided your followers with a new blog post in more than one and half years. What have you been up to?

A: Please, call me Zak. Well Zachary, there is a short answer and a long answer to that question. The short answer is “nothing.” If you gathered up everything I’ve accomplished in that time it wouldn’t amount to much. The long answer involves my post-college transition, a little soul-searching and more than one vodka-tonic. I moved to Middleton, Wisconsin, did some freelance writing, made a feeble attempt to figure out what direction I want my life to go in and partied my fair share; none of which led to much more than a couple bucks in my pocket and a few pretty good stories. This return to the blog doesn’t mark a huge lifestyle transition, but it does indicate a desire to get back to writing pieces that I enjoy and get my name out and about.

Q: Fair enough, but why should anybody read what you have to say?

A: Let me preface my answer to that question by saying that, in general, I’m not a fan of the blogosphere. Blogs give every schmuck with an internet connection the opportunity to provide the world with their uninformed opinions written in unintelligible gibberish. I truly think that I’m a special kind of schmuck. I have a writing education. I’m borderline obsessed with sports, film, television and some other stuff you’ll see on the site. And, most importantly, I have unique thought processes. You really don’t want to know what goes on in this brain of mine, but reading this blog will give you a glimpse. If you don’t like it, let me know, and I’ll make some changes. If you still don’t like it, leave forever. I won’t harbor any hard feelings. At the very least this site will give my friends something to do to pass the time while at their real jobs.

Q: How often can your readers expect to see new content on the site?

A: Well there’s no set-in-stone schedule, but I’ll do my best to update it a few times a week. I have other priorities, such as making money and living life, but a lot of my spare time will be devoted to creating pieces for this blog.

Q: You mentioned briefly some of the things you’re passionate about. Could you expound on what visitors can expect to see on the blog?

A: For the most part, sports and pop culture. Those are going to be the focuses, but don’t expect game and movie recaps. The goal is to apply unique ideas and critical thought to these two massive topics, while keeping humor involved. There will also be occasional posts regarding my life or some philosophical theory that I think is important enough to discuss. It might get serious here and there, but the majority of everything will be lighthearted.

Q: Has it gotten weird yet that you’re interviewing yourself?

A: A little bit, but I think anyone reading this has kinda forgotten about that whole gimmick by now. Which means it’s probably time to wrap this up. It’s been a pleasure speaking with you.

Check back for a post with some real content in the next few days. One more thing and I gotta go. I want to thank all my friends and family for the support you’ve given me thus far in life and the support I know you’ll give this blog. Even if two weeks from now I decide this is a dumb idea and call it quits.

This is Happening

I've ignored this blog for nearly two years and have really been slacking off on writing altogether lately. But let today mark the triumphant return of One More and I Gotta Go. I'm going to take the blog in a little bit of a different direction. In addition to sports, I will post pop culture pieces and even throw in some philosophical/life-in-general/"grinds my gears" type posts. Posts will be shorter and more frequent, and the navigation is going to go through some major changes. I am going to do my best to keep this blog regularly updated, but it might be a little slow going at first so bear with me. Also, I realize that no one is probably reading this paragraph, because honestly who would check a blog that hasn't been updated in two years? But once everything is up and running I hope you read, enjoy and provide me with any feedback you like, because in the words of Bobby Ray, "What's a song if don't have words? What's a word if it don't get heard?"

I'm also going to start self-promoting like crazy, any help in that regard will be strongly appreciated. Share me on Facebook, retweet me, tell your parents, write the URL on a brick and throw it through your neighbors window, whatever. I'm going big and you're coming with.

Any posts listed and dated before this one are from the site's first generation. I'll leave them up because I think I wrote some pretty decent stuff back then, but just be aware of that.

LET'S GO